Do you remember the days of watching a movie uninterrupted, with snacks you don’t have to share and as much swearing as you can handle?
Yeah, me neither.
Since Peanut arrived on the scene nearly 4 years ago, watching movies has become a little like how I would imagine trying to have a whispered conversation at a death metal concert; you can’t hear your own thoughts, let alone understand anything, you can’t see the screen around the heads bopping like mad in front of you and you’re pretty sure that it was a mistake to even try.
Got that picture in your mind? Excellent. Now change the scene to your living room and imagine that Frozen is on. Again. For, like, the 60th time this week. Yes, it came out 2yrs ago. Do the kids care? Nope! So just, you know, Let It Go…
Where was I? Oh yeah. Frozen is on and you’re watching it with them because “Ima, you have to!”. But nobody is actually watching it. Nooooo. That would be way too easy. See, once the opening act of “Do You Want To Build A Snowman” is finished, there’s all that waiting around for the main attraction to hit the stage. Sure, “Love is an Open Door” is a great song, but we all know that everyone is waiting for that song. So, what do we do in the interim? We talk, of course. We’re asked “Why?” about a million times, we refill snacks, change a diaper, wipe a runny nose, get climbed on, etc. Eventually, they forget that the movie is on and clue in only at the credits. Cue the screaming, crying and demands for it to be put on again.
Now, I’m sure that we’ve all seen that Cialis commercial. You know, the one where the movie is on, but nobody is there because… Ahem. Right. That one. Anyway, that commercial is what it’s like trying to watch a movie after the kids are in bed. Except, we’re not… Ahemming. No, we’re passed out on the couch with one hand in the popcorn and our finger on the unpressed pause button. The credits are rolling, but we’re watching the inside of our eyelids – greatest movie ever and it gets more enjoyable the more kids you have! If you do manage to stay awake to watch the movie, congratulations! Parents everywhere envy you and want to know your secret. And please don’t tell me that you watch during their daytime naps. I’ve tried that. It doesn’t work.
You know, come to think of it, I think I’d rather be at the death metal concert. At least there are instruments to go with the screaming and there is definitely no chance of falling asleep there! Right?