Parenthood

No, I’m not disappointed

There are many things in life to be disappointed about; losing out on a promotion, a fight with a friend, your baseball team losing a game, etc. For me, having 3 sons is not one of those things. In fact, the more people ask me if I’m disappointed or when I’m “trying for that girl”, the more upset I get — with them. I understand that most people mean no harm and are genuinely curious. However, there are those who are sincerely bothered by the fact that we have 3 boys and no desire to try for a 4th child, let alone a girl. “Never say never,” they say. “NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER!!!,” I respond in my head. Truth be told, Boo was a… gift from Gd, you could say. This means that one of my go-to answers to the “When are you trying for number 4?” question is that we weren’t even trying for number 3! This generally brings laughter, more curiosity and/or actual shock from those inquiring.

Let me give you some insight into Jews. A great number of us won’t say anything until the 3rd month of pregnancy and even then it’s not something widely advertised. There is a lot of superstition in Judaism! While I’m a pretty open person and The Dad and I are not really superstitious, it’s still not something that we’d talk about. Especially if we barely know you!!

Since he was our sweet surprise, I have had many people ask me if I’m disappointed that Boo specifically wasn’t a girl. To feel anything less than blessed to have another healthy boy would be ungrateful considering all of the health issues I experienced during each of my pregnancies. Additionally, there are so many people in my life that have been unable to conceive or have been trying, but to no avail. To be disappointed that I have been blessed enough to conceive and carry to term not one, but three boys would be a slap in their faces.

Since we are not planning on more children, there are some questions that I can answer in the affirmative. Am I disappointed that I won’t have a daughter? Yes. Am I disappointed that I won’t have a girl to dress up and put pigtails in her hair? Yes. Am I disappointed that my bathrooms will be terrifying in about 10 years? Yes. Am I disappointed that I was not able to name a girl after my mother(z”l)? Yes.

Now here are some questions that I can answer in the negative. Am I disappointed that I have 3 boys? No. Am I disappointed that my life will now mainly consist of wrestling, sports, action heroes and bugs? Nope. I actually happen to enjoy all of those things (minus the wrestling). Am I disappointed to have 3 little Ima’s boys? No. Am I disappointed that they are healthy and happy? NO!! Am I disappointed that I have 3 little princes to treat me like a queen? Never.

There are those who may be initially disappointed when they find out that they’re having a boy. They may have had their heart set on a girl, they may only be having one or two kids and one or two boys may seem like a horrible thing. Then that baby starts to move around and their heart starts to open up. Then they meet their son and that’s it. Their hearts are caught. Trapped. And they’re in love. Forever. Sure it’s not a princess, but it’s their prince and they will lay down their lives for this little boy and bring down anyone who causes them harm.

Disappointed. What a horrible word. It’s something that your parents or teachers say to you when they’ve been let down. It’s worse than having someone angry at you. Imagine how it feels to have someone say that to you and then think about how you would feel if you found out that your parents were disappointed that you were a boy (or girl). It would feel pretty awful, wouldn’t it? You know what doesn’t feel awful? What’s not disappointing? What doesn’t make me want to try again for that girl?

THIS:

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11 thoughts on “No, I’m not disappointed

  1. you’re so right Jen! I overheard a conversation in shul this Shabbos. A woman became a grandmother for the fourth time..all girls. Someone asked her if she wishes there were a grandson. the woman very strongly stated that all she hopes for is healthy grandchildren and thank Gd that’s what she’s been given..I wanted to give her a pat on the back..

    Liked by 1 person

  2. All I can say is well put! Gender choosing shouldn’t be the reason to “try” for another child. I think people need to evaluate and reflect on why parents want another child or why they feel their family is complete. I chose to have children because I wanted to learn how to love and to experenced being loved.

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  3. All I can say is well put! Gender choosing shouldn’t be the reason to “try” for another child. I think people need to evaluate and reflect on why parents want another child or why they feel their family is complete. I chose to have children because I wanted to learn how to love and to experence being loved.

    Liked by 1 person

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