Toast:

Ingredients – 

2 slices bread of your choosing

1 tsp. margarine (dairy or pareve) or butter

Directions –

Plug in toaster

Place bread in toaster

Choose level (usually between 1-9)

Depress the lever

When toast pops, carefully remove bread (lest you burn your delicate fingers)

Place onto a plate immediately

Using a knife, spread the butter or margarine evenly onto each slice of bread

Consume, chewing each bite 52 times.

Note: Don’t forget to unplug the toaster, wash your dishes and put the butter or margarine back into the fridge. You definitely don’t want to be hearing about your toast dishes for the rest of your life.

***This is strictly satire… unless you don’t know how to make toast. If that’s the case, then you’re welcome. And WOW.